Let me put a bug in your ear...

Starting Friday on our trip down to Greenville, something strange happened to my right ear. It feels as if my ear is filled with water, but it isn't. I've had buzzing that comes and goes- mostly comes. Also, I've had muted or dulled hearing and the frequencies I do hear have changed.

You know when you were a kid and you figured out you sounded like Darth Vadar if you spoke into a fan? That's what things sound like if you talk in my right ear.

So, The Best Man, diagnosed me. "A spider probably crawled in your ear, layed eggs, and now the babies are eating your brain."

Probable? No. Possible? Yes.

Read a couple of these stories and accounts if you don't believe me: 9 year old with not one, but TWO spiders found in his ear or several short stories of spider and other bug trauma.

If those stories aren't close enough to home for you, I'll tell you about my sister. Sadly, I only have this account from my mom and my sister and did not witness it first hand. If you know My Sassy, then you can picture this happening.

As My Sassy came home one night she was accosted by bugs that had been swarming the porch light as she walked in the door. One of these bugs lodged itself in her ear. My mom heard screaming/squealing/shrieking. My mom ran to find my sister swatting at her ear. Her arms were flailing and she continued to squeal.

The more the bug squirmed and wiggled the more My Sassy did the same. Sassy, however, was also screeching! "Get it out of my ear!!!" After a few minutes it was obvious that neither my mom or my sister could get the bug out of Sassy's ear. It was decided to head to the local "Doc in a Box."

The car ride was filled with Turrets like moments where my sister would squeal and flail her arms. (if only you could hear my mom tell this story!)

After being admitted (no, not into the psychiatric ward), the "Doc in the box" had to extract the bug, still squirming, out of Sassy's ear with long tweezers. Sassy finally stopped waving her arms and wailing like a banshee.

If you mention this to her today, her whole body will visibly shiver.

So, you see, I have a close encounter via my "Irish twin."

THEN. Tonight. As I was getting ready for bed I spotted a dime sized spider crawling on the wall by my bed. I quietly (this is very impressive if you know me and spiders) grabbed a tissue and tried to squash it. This spider hopped! And it continued to hop 4 or 5 times until I was able to squish it with a sneak attack!

I'm so totally convinced that there is at least one if not more spiders living in my ear. If my memory starts going or I start acting funny, you'll know that I wasn't making this up.

Dear M1s Studying in Barnes and Noble,

Please, if you are going to socialize (while pretending to study) relocate to a venue where people are not actually studying.

Better yet, why don't you go to class? I know you guys have class from 8-12 just about every day, so why are you in B&N chatting it up instead of attending class?

Sincerely,
Kristen-I'm-a-doctor-before-you-and-am-actually-trying-to-study

Note: M1 = first year medical student. I'm not sure if this is just used at VCU or other institutions as well. The number behind the "M" denotes the year, so a fourth and final year med student would be an M4. P3= Pharmacy 3rd year and "D" denotes a dental student. Students of these schools usually tried to insisit we go by PT1-3, but that never caught on. Instead, we simply say "I'm a (insert year) physical therapy student...or student physical therapist as TK would say :)

Another Note: The VCU Medical Campus has not been MCV for years. VCU is what is on my dipolma (both of them actually). Maybe I will rant more on this at a later date if you are lucky.

"Hey, Kristen, that kid puked over there...you wanna clean it up?"

I don't think I could EVER get paid enough to feel good about cleaning up some one else's kids' puke.

Especially when the kid is not even violently sick.

Note to parents: if your kid throws up because she swallowed too much pool water PUT HER IN SWIM LESSONS so she doesn't drown or puke on my watch!

Thank you,

Kristen-I-think-I-have-puke-under-my-toe-nails!?

HOME :)

I officially have an apartment!

I found a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom about 15 minutes from work. The second bedroom is going to end up as an office/guest room. It has two doors that swing open and can kinda extend the living room space, which is nice. The kitchen is small and open, so you can see into the living room while you're cooking. It also has a "breakfast bar" which I love! I can't wait to go shopping and find some cool bar stools to put there. The bathroom just has a the tub and toilet in it, with two sinks in the hall outside-nice if I actually have friends come visit. I also have a little deck off the living room and dinning room. Oh, and I can't forget to mention a real, working, wood burning fireplace! There are tons of windows, filling the apartment with natural light and offering wooded views. I'm SO excited about getting to play around with decorating/furnishing it! :) Pictures to come once I can distract them from The Best Man's camera!

The YMCA = red neck country club

Don't be offended if you are a fellow Y patron, if you sing the YMCA louder than any of your friends, if you've worked there or lived there or been a member there for longer than you can remember.

Do not take offense.

I've worked at My Y for almost 8 years now (7 years and 11 months and 1 day to be exact, but hey, who's counting?). I can honestly say, come summer the Y turns into a red neck country club.

What I mean is we get a LOT of new members for the summer. The old members vanish to the outdoor pools and clubs or come at less conspicuous times of day. They spend the summer sipping lemonade and lounging by an outdoor pool in order to get some rays. In their place are new members with bleached blond hair from the box (it's actually kinda orange and stringy versus being done at a salon). Not only do these new patrons have bad hair, but they have at least 4 kids all under the age of 6. These kids are thrown in life jackets while they run across MY pool deck so that their mom's can hang out in the sauna in their yellow string bikinis.

Tattoos. Now. There are tasteful and even meaningful tattoos. Red neck tattoos take the cake. Now, perhaps they are meaningful to someone, but they are by no means tasteful. The tattoo I saw today on one of our new members backs was a teddy bear (that didn't look too cuddly, actually) holding 4 balloons. Each balloon had initials in it. I can only imagine that they stood for each of her four children.

Speaking of tattoos, working at pool I've seen some nasty, wrinkled, saggy, and washed out tattoos. I've included a picture of a ridiculously tacky tattoo on a pregnant woman. Unfortunately, I have not seen the likes of this in person. One can only hope.

Wedding Weekend

Ooooh, so you wanna hear about the wedding do ya?

Friday consisted of a girls day in which we got our nails done, lounged around watching bad home makeover shows, did our make-up and ate (Rehersal dinner had fab food!).

Saturday: The big day. Got our hair did early in the morning. I was surprised at not how big my hair was, because let's face it, I always have big hair, but how "long" my hair looked all wound up on top of my head! The bride was beautiful, radiant. The church was gorgeous. The ceremony was really nice. The reception had great music, food and company. Need I say more?

Sunday: Brunch with the bride's parents and their families.

All in all I primped a lot, mingled a lot, and ate a whole lot! What could be more fun?

The Best Man (not of this wedding) and I looking all duded up:



The wedding party jumping, duh, I'm the one with the coolest jump:

Andy, Brett's Best Man, and I being introduced:

Today's bumper sticker. . .

"GOD WANTS TO SEE SPIRITUAL FRUITS
NOT RELIGIOUS NUTS"

Bold. Witty. Profound.